Ummmm I’m obsessed with Bad Girls Club, you guys. If you’re not watching it, you should be. And I swear to God they don’t even pay me. They advertise a little for me, but that’s it, I swear. I’m a natural evangelist of BGC. This week’s episode blew my pants off. These girls are just so awesomely horrible.
I don’t have much to say. Things are going well, basically. It’s weird because I’m in this space where the problems I do have are problems that, for whatever reason, can’t be advertised on the Internet. It’s really weird and uncomfortable because I’m so used to airing everything out on this blog and getting feedback from all of you, and I hate keeping secrets from the Internet. But suddenly it’s like everyone’s on this Internet thing and they all read this blog and then I get into trouble or hurt people’s feelings and that’s not what I’m about.
I don’t belong in the Bad Girls house, exactly, but there’s definitely a bad-girl streak in me. Wiggles calls it “love avoidant” behavior. I panic about commitments. Everybody bores me instantly. I have the attention span of my puppy. I’ll spare you all a bone joke here. But I have so much trouble being a good girl in relationships. Even wanting to be a good girl is hard for me. I’m so disinterested in everyone, eventually, and sooner rather than later. How does one resolve that?
And, you guys, I’m trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I have this strange career path where it turns out that, unless I want to write celebrity gossip for the rest of my life, I have no other career options. I’m trying very, very, very hard to have faith in God with this one, but it’s been trying. I know I will be guided to where I ought to be, but I’m having trouble believing that day-to-day. The other frustrating thing is that I’ve always been someone who’s, like, “I can move anywhere! I’m not tied down by anything! Not married! No kids! Pick me up and plant me anywhere!” But a funny thing has happened — I’ve fallen in love with Seattle. This city keeps me healthy, inside and out. In the nearly two years that I’ve lived here (WOW, has it really been that long?) I’ve made the kind of emotional progress and arrived at the kind of emotional and physical health and stability that I never dreamed was actually possible for me. I do not want to leave this city.
So, Seattle it is. Anyone have job suggestions? Be specific about what type of job, exactly, you think I’d be good at and enjoy, and why, specifically, anyone in the right minds would hire me to do it. Oh and keep in mind that EVERYTHING BORES ME EVENTUALLY. But with jobs I love and am passionate about I usually have a four-year lifespan.
Maybe this is the sort of thing I should see a career counselor about? Or attend a career counseling workshop? I’m also open to recommendations about how you find those in Seattle. The good ones, that is.
