Still Alive

Posted by Sasha – January 6, 2010

I swear. :)

I had a great and lazy time in San Diego with my girlfriends. The problem is I’m still in total panic attack mode, like, all the time. It’s been going on for over a week now. I got to LA and realized that spending the next two days in the car was going to be a really, really bad idea. I left my car at the airport and took a plane back to Phoenix. I need to see some of my old doctors out here and figure out what’s causing this and how I can resolve or manage it.

I guess of all the problems in the world, this isn’t the worst, and I am infinitely grateful to have a family who loves and supports me unconditionally. I was puking in a garbage can outside the airport today (new fun feature of the panic attacks!) and a lady was like, “Are you okay?” and I was like “Yes, just having a rough day” and she was like, “It will get better.” I wanted to hug her and tell her she was an angel. They’re simple, easy words, but today they resonated with me.

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Erin

LOL - Sasha, she probably thought you were pregnant!

I'm a panic attacker too - it's the pits. Totally shuts your life down. Life shouldn't be that hard. I mean, it's a disease that makes you feel scared. How macarbe is that! I would eat dog shit if it cured me.

Hang in there dude.
Tricia

GLad you went back home. Gettingentally jealthy is the #1 priority!!
Guest

I'm generally not one to hand out slobbery shit, but while you don't know me, you have meant a great deal to me personally since I got to know you over the holidays.

My 20-year-old daughter suffers from depression and it was hard for me to really get my head around what she was going through. Reading ur blog has helped me to better understand what she goes through sometimes and has made our relationship stronger. So, thank you.

I know that you will get through this. Just remember the next time you puke in a garbage can, we all have our hands holding your forehead.

In the meantime, I'll keep slapping around the morons on the other site.
woohoo

My ex always threw up from panic attacks. It isn't fair how our bodies are made sometimes. Don't you wish everyone was born to be happy at all times?
Tiffany

Oh Sasha!!! I feel so badly for you :( I wish you well and am sending good thoughts your way. I hope you can get to a good, safe, stable place in your head very soon and that you can continue to move forward through this issue. Having followed you for a few years, there is definitely a cyclic pattern and the time of year seems consistent. I know you've considered SAD and other associated conditions. I used to have difficulty with Feb., March, and April. I was horrifically scared to learn my first child would be born March 25. But somewhere along the line I have made some progress. For me it was Prozac, which I took for 15 years. Now it's Elavil, and I double it during these months. It's better for me - MUCH better. I hit rock bottom at age 29 and started the meds then. It got better from there. I'm praying for you!!