Sasha Is a Monster

OK. I talked to some more folks — and considered all your suggestions here on SIAM, on Facebook and via email — and maybe starting a bar is not such a great idea. Maybe I need a new plan.

That said, I’ve been invited to sit on a panel at UCLA’s E-Week, otherwise known as Entrepreneur Week, at the end of February. I’ll be on a panel about Entrepreneurship in Entertainment. It’s an honor to have been asked, and I think it will be an awesome opportunity to share what I’ve learned with the students at my former business school, but mostly it’s a chance for me to hear other ideas, to get to know new people, to see what’s being built and thought and developed out there, to figure out how I fit in. That’s where I’m lost right now. I’m not clear on what the next step is for me, career-wise. I need to continue to plod along with the footwork and trust that God will take care of the outcome. It is not my job to create the path; it is my job to walk it. I can choose whether or not to bring fear into that journey.

I’m happy right now. I’m at peace. I’m doing a lot of writing, wading through my past and being brutally honest about my past and beginning to see the patterns of me and the beginnings of those patterns and the extent of those patterns and the faultiness of those patterns. I’m getting to see how I am a problem that I carry from relationship to relationship. I am a faulty pattern that travels with my body, that engages in relationship games, developing game strategy with a faulty set of rules. A lost-in-translation playbook. Of course the outcome will never feel fair.

I can see that, now.

I have amazing friends and an amazing life and I sleep well at night and exist smoothly throughout the day. Life’s a sweet gig right now. We went out for my neighbor’s birthday last night. It rocked. So blessed to have friends. I’m in love with all of them.