Hello loves! I’m alive, I’m okay, I’m hangin’ in there. Friday was Trisha’s bridal shower and Saturday was her wedding. I didn’t take that many pictures because I was too busy taking it all in, but I’m sure everyone else will upload theirs to Facebook and I’ll be able to post some here. Her sisters did a phenomenal job with her bridal shower (just as they’d done with her bachelorette party), everything was so beautiful and perfect and she had such a wonderful time. It made me really happy because I know if/when I get married, my sister will do an equally amazing job. It just made me generally happy about the existence of sisters.
Her wedding was equally perfect. The ceremony was in the Woodland Park Rose Garden, which I’d never seen before but which was the absolute ideal place to get married. I promised Trisha that, although I’d been praying for rain, I would take a break from that for her wedding day, and she had the most perfect wedding weather ever. Not a cloud in the sky, not too hot, not too cold. Instead of doing a candle-lighting ceremony, they did a thing at the end where they both poured sand into a glass container of rocks, symbolizing their lives merging together on solid foundation. It was incredibly touching and exactly what I want to do for my wedding.
The reception at the Lake Union Cafe was also picture-perfect. I would expect nothing less from Trisha, but I was just so impressed with how classy and beautiful and wonderful and amazing everything was. And she was calm and joyful and poised and beautiful the whole time, as was her husband, whom I adore. They are just such a solid couple, and I know they’ll be together forever. Plus, it was the first time I’d seen Abby and Kortny since their (equally perfect) wedding day, and it was such a joy to see them together and married and in love. The phenomenal marriages my friends have created for themselves gives me so much hope that I’ll have one of my own some day.
The friend I mentioned in my last post is still not doing well, and that put a little bit of a shadow on the weekend for me. There’s so much I want to tell you guys about what’s been going on and what I’ve been going through, because I know it would help me to write about it, but I feel like it would be really unfair to him to expose his whole story here. It’s just so, so hard to watch someone you love so much have such a hard time and not want help. It’s frustrating, because I know I’ve been through really hard emotional times, and I know it’s been hard for my friends and family to watch, but I’ve been open to help — any help. I’ve asked for help and I’ve accepted help and I’ve gone to any lengths to get better. He is not doing that — his is a very different demon — and it just makes me feel so helpless and desperate and sad. But I think I’m done crying for now, I’m kind of detached from the situation now. I ended up leaving Trish’s wedding a little early because I just couldn’t keep my shit together and I definitely did not want to be “that girl” who the bride has to comfort in the bathroom on her wedding day (isn’t there always that girl???). I didn’t avoid it altogether — Abby was gracious enough to comfort the bawling mess of me in the bathroom, and then we fixed my makeup and headed back out and Trish never knew anything was going on, thank goodness. After that I managed to keep my shit together for the cake-cutting and the bouquet toss and the first dances, and then I peaced out and cried for awhile and then I was over it. There’s still a heavy lingering sadness, but I’m done fighting against whatever it is inside him that’s doing this. It’s not my battle and therefore I can’t win it. I’m letting go, but prayers would be appreciated.
