Actually, I made two. Please read them and try to figure out why I don’t have a boyfriend.
Here are my lists:
Reasons I Will Refuse to Respond to You on Match.com
1) Your screen name contains the word “poet”
2) You are any kind of visual artist
3) I recognize you as being my neighbor
4) You have more than one puppy in your photos
5) You look like a douche
6) The email you sent me is not in English
7) You are not taller than I am
8) You claim to be taller than I am, but I have my doubts
9) I totally used to sleep with you
10) The very first word of your profile is misspelled
11) You mention your minor in Hazardous Materials
12) You’re from Europe
13) You said “ascribe” when you meant “subscribe”
14) You email me with the subject line “Hi”
15) You seem outdoorsy
16) I think you’re probably a douche
17) You’re divorced
18) You want a girl with a “fun personality”
19) You have a “fun personality”
20) I can tell that the email you sent me is the same you send to every other girl
21) You’re the guy who broke up with me two weeks ago
22) You do know you’re gay, right?
23) I’ve decided you’re probably a push-over
24) You look a little bit like my dad
25) I think you think you’re smarter than you are
26) Your Myers-Briggs results are in your profile
27) You are working now to publish the novel you wrote in France
28) You both look and seem like a douche
29) I have decided that I hate you for being such a douche
30) I don’t understand how you have any friends
Reasons I Will Of Course Respond to You on Match.com
1) You look like you have a big penis
2) You will probably cheat on me
