My apartment is a mess. I hate it and I need to clean it. I especially need to clean it because it turns out I’m moving in a couple weeks. Well, it didn’t really just “turn out” like that. Two of my neighbors who used to rent one-bedrooms moved into a two-bedroom together last weekend, and they told me what they were paying for it, and I was like, “Holy shit, that is a LOT less than what I pay for my two-bedroom.” For a little while I was too overwhelmed with other shit to do anything about it, but today I decided to march down to the leasing office and ask them what my options were.
It was surprisingly easy. The leasing manager was all like, “Yeah, we have a two-bedroom available right down the hall from you. The door’s unlocked. Go check it out and let me know what you think.” So I went up and checked out the apartment. It’s smaller than my current apartment for sure. It has way less closet space and a smaller master bathroom, but I’ll have the same amazingly huge bathtub. It also doesn’t have a city view — it faces toward the inside courtyard, but I’m okay with that. It’s not like I spend a lot of time staring out into the city. In fact, my current apartment has a freakin’ Marriott interrupting the view of the city, so usually I have my blinds closed to avoid being a tourist attraction anyway. Mostly I’m bummed about losing my gigantic master bath and my huge walk-in closets, but everything else I’m fine with. And the price? Is 40% less than what I’m paying now. Apartments are just renting at WAY lower rates than they were last summer. They made me make a new refundable deposit and pay a $100 move fee, but they’re not even making me break my current lease!
Plus this is going to be the easiest move ever. I seriously just need to drag all my furniture down the hall and around the corner. We won’t even need the elevators! If I manage to get all my stuff packed up beforehand (I probably won’t), I expect the whole business to take no more than a couple hours. And I will FINALLY be out of this apartment in which Leo was potty-training, poorly. The carpet is covered in little Leo wee-wee stains that no one and nothing can extract. I think they will probably have to burn this apartment before they can re-rent it. Anyway. The leasing dude was so awesome and helpful and great and did I mention he’s way hot and I totally want to sleep with him? Hm. Maybe I should get to that before we sign the new lease — I could get a couple hundred more knocked off, right? I kid, I kid. I was IMing with an old roommate about it tonight. It went like this:
Me: I really want to sleep with the guy who manages my apartment complex
Her: No.
Me: I know. But he’s really hot.
Her: It’s a no.
Me: OK.
Her: I did have some recommendations for the graphics on Zelda Lily
Me: OK.
Her: [provides valuable input]
Me: But just to be clear, I shouldn’t sleep with him?
Her: You should not.
Me: Harumph.
So I’m moving. To a new apartment which may or may not feature a naked leasing manager and his engorged penis.
Meanwhile: Temporary cats still hate permanent cats. As of this writing, three integration attempts have failed. (We define feline intergration fail as such: When a clump of Cat A’s hair is discovered somewhere external to the body of Cat A, and said hair was removed from Cat A by a participant neither Cat A nor Mom, integration has failed.)
The strangest part is that it’s Riley and Chloe who are being mean. I actually think Max wants to be friends. I know Leo wants to be friends. Josie and Ashley are all curled up on my bed pumping Mary J Blige’s “No More Drama” and staying completely out of it. But it’s always Riley who hisses first, and then Chloe. The temp cats are the mean ones, not mine!
So, after integration attempt number three failed tonight, I sent Chloe and Riley back into their own room.
In general, though, I felt a lot better today than I did yesterday. I begrudgingly took some advice from friends to pray and read certain spiritual literature. At 3 am last night (this morning?), I did a complete business and personal budget. I finally have a way to track exactly how my business is doing. The good news is that the business is still in the black, although not by much. But I was able to itemize my expenses and my income and put them face-to-face and see that I come out in the black. I do. Phew. Before we all get too excited, let’s still remember I owe money to IRS still AND I have credit-card debt up the wazoo that needs to be addressed. But if the company is still making a profit after all the damn expenses it seems to accrue without my permission, then I think everything will be fine for now. Also I will need to politely tell my stock broker that I will not be investing with her any time in the near future — not because she’s not great at what she does, but because I don’t have money to invest. Humbling, humbling. And is there a greater gift from the universe than that of being softly humbled? I’ve heard not.
