Chloe the Temporary Cat has wormed her way into my heart. I am so in love with this cat. She is HORRIBLE to the other cats, but I pick her up and she just starts purring away and snuggling into me, and then she looks into my eyes and licks my face with her rough little tongue. It’s ridiculously cute. And she’s just so fuzzy and soft! I am totally smitten. I’m in love with this cat. I was holding her just now and telling her how pretty she is and I turned around and there was little Leo, sitting patiently and staring up at me like “Mom. That’s how you talk to me. WTF?” Awww, poor Leo! It’s kind of funny though because he and Chloe will chase each other around the house, Leo barking and Chloe hissing, but their tails are both wagging. I think they’re having fun.
I have a very scary feeling that Riley and Chloe are going to be living here longer than a week. Sigh.
I saw Wiggles again today. I love Wiggles. We talked a lot about accepting emotions, which is what this Acceptance and Commitment Therapy thing he does is all about. But I finally started to get it. Wiggles talks a lot about the Chinese finger trap, where the harder you pull the harder it is to get your fingers out. But if you just relax they come right now. I understood it conceptually, but today I started to internalize it. I came into his office today and I was just feeling really stressed out and un-centered. I get into a lot of fear when I feel like that because I worry I’m going crazy again, that the The Buzzing will come back and my life will shut down and everything will go to hell in a hand basket. I feel myself tipping a little bit off-balance, and I’m convinced it’s just a matter of time before it all falls apart again. But Wiggles explained that if I just accepted the feeling instead of fearing it, it wouldn’t have so much power. Like a fussy child, ya know? The more you play into it, the more he gets energized. You just say “Thank you for sharing your opinion” and then move on. Eventually he’ll get tired and burn out if you’re not feeding into it. So you just accept the way you’re feeling and you move on with your life. I like that plan.
I’m also, of course, starting to get really nervous about moving. It’s next weekend! I have to get this entire house packed up and ready to move. Granted, I only have to move it down the hall, but STILL. It’s a really big change. I’ve been in this apartment for almost a year. I think it’s just now sort of hitting me that moving to a new apartment is going to be kind of a big deal for me emotionally. I wasn’t ready for that. I’m used to everything like it is right now, you know? I don’t know what the fuck I got myself into here.
I can’t wait until 2011 when I meet my husband and he can help with shit like this.
