I will just have to walk around like this all day.

Honestly I just spent like an hour making faces into the camera to see how I could best pull of lipstick. Verdict: While puckering.

I’m also obsessed with the dress I’m wearing tonight. It’s Alice & Olivia and it usually retails for like $350 but I got it today for just over $100. It has pockets! Everyone is having CARAZY sales right now. It is not good for my shopping addiction.

Hello.

I am here to discuss two things today: my lipstick and my eyebrows.

First off, do you guys see how bad lipstick looks on me? Why is this? Am I applying it wrong? Is it just because I have such tiny lips? (Please excuse the complexion here, I was too lazy to put on full makeup with concealer before taking these pictures and I just had a facial this morning so it’s still red.)

Also a lot of people were giving me shit over on Evil Beet for saying I use Botox. I think right now is a really good opportunity to explain why I use Botox, because I haven’t had it done since November, so it’s completely worn off. Do you see how the eyebrow on the right is at a completely different angle from the one on the left? It makes my whole face look asymmetrical and poorly framed. I absolutely detest it, and it’s been like that since I was a teenager. It’s always been a pet peeve of mine, but I didn’t want to get a brow lift, because letting someone cut into my face and make permanent changes scares the hell out of me. So I was delighted when someone told me that Botox could fix it! And it does! They inject something into the muscle above that eyebrow, and it lifts it right up so that it matches the other eyebrow. It’s not completely perfect, but it’s always a big improvement.

My aesthetician (not the same person who does my Botox) also tells me it’s awesome that I get Botox at my age, because it’s preventative. Because my forehead muscles move less than normal, my wrinkles will develop slower than normal. I obviously don’t get a lot injected, and it doesn’t freeze my face, but it takes some mobility away so it’s harder for wrinkles to form. I love that, because I tend to really over-emote with my face — I scrunch my forehead a whole lot — and I already have tiny wrinkle lines because of that. It scares the hell out of me, so I’m glad this slows down the process.

I firmly believe that it’s important to feel good about your body and to feel confident about your looks. If there’s something about your appearance that really bothers you, and there’s a safe, legal way to fix it, I say go for it! Make sure you do your research and find a great doctor — and this is not the time to price shop! Find the best doctor possible, and remember that you get what you pay for. The most important thing is not to turn into one of those people who gets addicted to plastic surgery and just wants everything fixed, but I’ve recently seen so many friends be so thrilled with the results of Botox or lipo or a boob job or a nose job that I’m all in favor of it. Why obsess over something you hate about your body when you can fix it?

You guyyyyyyyyyys!

My Amazon Kindle finally came yesterday!

I ordered it in early December — they were back-ordered for three months at the time — and I’ve been waiting excitedly for it ever since. I did a little dance when the package arrived.

I took it to work today to show it off. Everybody ooh’d and ahh’d over it, because it is awesome. For those of you who don’t know, the Kindle is a device that lets you wirelessly download complete books (for 60-70% of what they’d cost you in a bookstore) and read them digitally. The screen is some sort of special material that reduces glare and actually looks like a page out of a real book. It has a spoken-word feature, where a programmed voice reads the book aloud to you. The technology isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty damn good. You can bookmark pages, make notes, surf the web and get most newspapers and magazines delivered to your Kindle. The device is super light and easy to carry around with you. It’s still pretty pricey, but if you’re like me and buy tons and tons of books a year, it’ll probably end up saving you money (and time!) in the long run, not to mention all the trees you’ll be saving. Highly recommended!

This is completely unrelated, but I decided today that I wanted to buy lip liner and lipstick. I haven’t really owned either of those things in years. I’ve always been a lip gloss girl. But for some reason I’ve had this desire lately to wear lipstick, so I went to the drug store and bought a bunch of different colors to see which one looked good on me. I came home and tried them on and remembered why I don’t wear lipstick: it doesn’t look good on me. It just doesn’t. I want so badly to be one of those girls who can rock the sexy lipsticked lips, but I’m just not that girl. I look stupid in lipstick. I guarantee you, though, that I’ll continue buying different colors and applying it in different ways and looking stupid for at least another two weeks, because I am that girl. I’m entirely incapable of being like, “No, I look bad in that, I shouldn’t wear it.” I AM NOT A QUITTER! So after a couple weeks of determinedly looking stupid in lipstick, I’ll look in the mirror and be like, “I think I should try just wearing lip gloss, that might look cool,” and then that’s what I’ll do for another two years until I decide I need to try lipstick again. Sigh.

I’m just going to write my own comment-generating engine so people don’t have to waste their time leaving comments. It will just generate variations on “This is the stupidest post ever,” “I’m taking your site out my bookmarks,” “This is the last time I’ll be here!,” “You are so ugly” and “This site sucks and I’m never reading again.” Note that these comments will come from the exact same IP addresses, day after day after day.

It’s like, listen, folks, if I really saw a traffic drop every time one of you expressed displeasure with something I said, or threatened to never come back, I’d be out of business, instead of consistently growing.

It’s so bizarre to me how people feel the need to disagree so violently with someone’s opinions or lifestyle. Like, I make fun of celebrities for a living. I make money, and I help raise their profiles, so they make money. It’s big business. It’s not about empty threats and blind anger.

I can’t tell you how often I see a comment like, “This is my last post here and then I’m removing this site from my bookmarks and NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN!!!” (No!!! Please, God!! Not your bookmarks!!!)

And then an hour later someone will respond to that comment like, “Dude, you’re a moron,” and then the person will be back, two hours later, to respond by saying “I AM NOT A MORON YOUR A MORON.”

And it’s like, dude, didn’t you say you weren’t ever coming back?

I’m thinking about blocking the IP addresses of anyone who says they’re never coming back to Evil Beet. Just to help them to stay honest with themselves. I don’t think these people understand the sheer magnitude of the traffic that site sees, from search engines, referrals and direct visitors. Like, it’s okay, buddy, you don’t ever have to come back. We’re still gonna make a whole lot of money here, with or without you. Thanks for sharing your concern.

Just checking in again, since I know I’ll be crazy busy tonight, just like I’ve been all the time lately! It’s so funny how being sick for a week just throws your whole life off. I’m scrambling trying to do all the things that I ignored during that week. You know, REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT things like scheduling a facial. I am SO BEHIND on my facials, you guys. And I can tell because I have more zits than I’ve had in awhile. Fortunately my aesthetician could get me in on Saturday. Phew.

Here’s the other good news: My taxes are almost done! I have a CPA do the final submission, since I own an LLC and I really don’t want to have to go to jail because my business accidentally messed up on its taxes, but he sent me like 30 pages of paperwork to fill out, and I FINALLY finished it and mailed it to him! He said he’d call me if he had any questions, but, for the most part, my work is done! This is really exciting for me, because last year I had to get an extension, and didn’t end up filing until October. My goal was to have it done by the end of February this year, and it looks like I might make it!

The bad news: Dude, I probably owe a LOT of taxes. Because of the nature of my work, I always get paid without taxes being withheld. I have been trying to pay taxes quarterly, but I’m really not much of an accountant, and as I was going through all these forms I realized I probably haven’t paid anywhere near what I owe. Shit. It’s kind of disappointing, too, because I’ve been saving like crazy to try to help my little sister buy a condo, and I think all my savings for that are going to go the IRS now. But maybe I’m wrong and the CPA can work some magic. Go Mr. CPA, go!!!

But overall, things are good, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

Hi guys!

Not that much to say. I’ve been busy having a social life that I’m gonna keep private for now. But let’s just say my “social life” last night was 6′5″ and 230 lbs and an absolute sweetheart and very respectful and fun to be around. Who knows if it’ll go anywhere, but it was just good to be reminded that it is still possible for a guy to make me feel a little light-headed. It’s been an eternity since I felt like that. I don’t know why I always expect guys — especially really hot guys — to be total assholes, but this dude was just so grounded and kind-hearted. It just oozed out of him. And pretty much exactly my dream guy physically. Maybe there’s a tiny ray of light for my love life after all!

SWOON!