Today, January 22, is the day Heath Ledger passed away last year.
It was also a very difficult day in my life last year, for reasons I’ve never discussed on this blog and probably never will. The day before was even rougher. I didn’t put any of it together until I saw just a few minutes ago that today was the anniversary of Heath’s death. I remember, as all this shit was going down in my own life last year, getting a text message from a friend: “Heath Ledger died today.” I didn’t believe her. She sent me a TMZ link.
I can’t believe it’s already been a year.
And I can’t believe it’s only been a year.
Someday I’ll write a book and you’ll all get the rest of the story.
I think it helps explain why yesterday was so difficult for me. I felt much better today. In fairness, though, I did double the dose of my anti-anxiety drugs last night.
I also hired someone new for Evil Beet. I adore her writing style; I think it’s charismatic and engaging, and if she proves to be even a fraction as talented and useful as Wendie, I’ll be delighted. The awful part about hiring someone new, though, is all the people you don’t get to hire: people who are also very talented and likable and hard-working. I wished I could hire them all. I’ve been sick to my stomach all week over the fact that I could only hire one person. I have a new respect for the bosses who had to lay people off this past quarter or two. I didn’t have to lay anyone off — I just had to not give people a job they applied for. People I’ve never even met in real life! Not people I’ve been working side by side with for years. I cannot even imagine how hard that is for any warm-blooded person to do. I’d spent all these months feeling sad for the people who got laid off, but I’m sure that there was also a lot of pain for the people who had to lay them off. Ya know, to the CEO they’re just numbers, but to a human being who has to deliver the news, I bet it is nauseating.
