I know that there are many problems in our world, but I think that you should all join me in urging President Obama to do something about the fucking cable companies before he even looks at Israel or welfare or alternative fuels.
This is a serious issue.
The cable internet at my dad’s house sucks. It has sucked for a very long time. Like, basically every single time I have been here this year. For most people, this would be a minor inconvenience. When your job takes place entirely on the Internet, it is a major, major headache. Every time I am here, I end up calling Cox cable like 8 or 9 times to ask them to reset the modem or please please please try to fix this. They always do some shit that fixes it for an hour, and then it’s back to shitty.
Today, I went and bought my dad a new wireless router, thinking maybe the router was the problem. I had quite the time setting it up because even the LAN connection wasn’t working, and I called Cox to resolve that, and they did their magic, and the connection worked for an hour, and then it failed.
Finally, I called them up for the gazillionth time and was like, “Listen. I really think there is a major issue on your end. You need to give us a new modem.” And the guy on the other end is like, “Yeah, your modem model has been retired for awhile. We’ll send someone out to put in a new one tomorrow.”
OH. MY. GOD.
In the EIGHT BILLION times I have talked to Cox cable this year to trouble-shoot this internet connection, NEVER has anybody said, “You should know that your modem has been retired by Cox.” It wasn’t until I specifically said “I need a new modem” that they were willing to admit that I needed a new modem.
OH. MY. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD.
And the worst part about all this is that I can’t be like, “Fuck you guys, I’m switching my dad to another provider.” There is no other provider. I was like, “Dad, this is un-American! I feel like I’m in a third-world country with this horrible deceptive service! I feel like I’m somewhere that pirates come from!” And my dad was like, “Well, honey, what are you gonna do? Link my house to a satellite?”
PRESIDENT OBAMA!
THIS IS A MAJOR NATIONAL CRISIS!
THE CABLE MONOPOLIES MUST BE DISSOLVED!
WE NEED NEED NEEEEEED COMPETITION IN THIS SPACE.
Seriously I could not be more pissed about this. How do the assholes who run these things sleep at night? I am rarely someone who calls for an assassination, but I think these cable company people ought to be assassinated, stat!
