Jiggity jig?
Was that the Three Little Pigs?
Or the market-bound pigs?
At any rate, Leo and I are back in Scottsdale, hanging out in our spare room at my father’s house, just as if we’d never left. Well, actually, it’s quite clear that we left, because Dad vacuumed and made the bed and wiped off the bathroom counters and all those things I never do when I’m actually living here.
Dude: it is hot in Arizona. I was wearing a teeny tiny tank top tonight and I was just fine. They are predicting a high of 77 on Sunday! That’s race day! And the race starts at 8:30, which means I will probably be doing the final few miles of it — the hardest part! — sometime around 11 am. So it’ll be in the 70s probably by the time I’m halfway through. Unbelievable. Oh, and did I mention it’s a dry heat?
I do have to say something, though. I had enough miles to upgrade to first class on the flight here, and I had never flown first class before, and I would just like to say that it’s like flying on a completely different airplane. I mean, ridiculous. The stewardesses were sooo nice, everything is free — including alcohol! — and they serve you drinks in real glasses and yummy dinners on real plates with real silverware. They actually asked me “Will you be dining with us tonight?” and I think I looked like a moron because I just kind of stared at her, like, waiting for the price list. But it was free! I was still wary of airplane food. Then I heard the lady next to me say yes, and she didn’t look like the type of lady who would be eating typical airplane crap, so I said yes, too, and the dinner was actually quite good! And your seats are huge with tons of legroom and they lay back really far. And these drunk dudes were just having fun with the stewardess and kept telling her to go in back and mix them all these different drinks based on ingredients they named. And she’d make these concoctions that they asked for, and they’d sample them, and then, if they liked them, they’d name the new drink and tell her to add it to the menu. And then she’d offer to make one for the rest of first class. Once she was done serving the new drink to everybody, they’d start the process all over again with new ingredients. This went on the entire flight. I was just watching in awe, like, “This shit would never happen in coach.” Oh, and best of all, no one yelled at me for letting Leo sit on my lap and poke his head out of his little bag. They always yell at me about that in coach! I never want to fly coach again! I need to meet my billionaire husband ON THIS TRIP. Do you hear me, God????
