I’ve been so, so happy lately. For no particular reason. Just happy. A friend who’s known me for a long time remarked today that I seem comfortable in my own skin these days. It’s actually kind of scaring me how happy I am right now. It’s uncomfortable, even. A little terrifying. I called a very wise friend to tell her this and get her thoughts. “I think I’m happy,” I told her. “Like, really happy, and I don’t even know why. Why is it scary?” She laughed. “It’s pretty cool, dear. You’re feeling the presence of God in your heart for the first time since you were a child, probably. Just sit with it. It’s supposed to be scary the first time.”
I wrote this in late October:
Some Days
things get worse, and they feel deeper and darker and heavy and bursting, but it’s okay, because you’ve been here before, and so you know that something’s about to change.
I remember late October. It was awful. I was so scared — I felt stagnant and directionless and hopeless and lost. But I knew that those feelings always accompany enormous positive change in my life. I knew I just had to sit with it and wait for God to guide me. I was terrified, but I held onto my faith. I’m so grateful that the pain I’ve walked through in the past couple of years has brought me to a place of faith rather than of anger. I feel so fortunate.
Dong Yun Yoon is the immigrant widower whose wife, two young daughters and mother-in-law died when an F/A-18D Hornet experienced engine failure on a practice run and crashed into his San Diego home. The pilot ejected from the plane before the crash. “I heard the pilot is safe,” he told reporters. “Please pray for him not to suffer from this accident … I know there are many people who have experienced more terrible things. But, please, tell me how to do it. I don’t know what to do.”
There’s so much grace in this. This man is not pointing fingers. He is not allowing himself to be filled with anger or resentment. His initial reaction is one of forgiveness, and he is able instinctively to ask for emotional support and guidance.
I hope that America watches Mr. Yoon cope with this enormous loss with a great deal of love in his heart, and with an unfaltering faith in humanity, and I hope we can try to incorporate even a fraction of his attitude into our reactions to silly day-to-day arguments. It would be a wonderful way to celebrate the lives of his family.
