Once I got to the game I decided I absolutely had to have a Cardinals jersey, since everybody else had one and it’s Scottsdale so you can’t be different. My jersey cost $75. I’m serious. A few years ago, you could buy the entire Cardinals franchise for that kind of money. My friend Kevin, who is a boy and knows about sports, was like, “Sasha, please don’t get a Leinart jersey. Please.” And I was like, “But, Kevin, he’s the best player in the NBA!” and Kevin was like, “Oh my God, Sasha, this is the NFL, and he’s terrible,” and I was like, “But, Kevin, he’s hot and he’s the only one whose name I know!” and Kevin was like, “I really don’t know what to say to that. Get the jersey.” So I did.
Another observation: It is exceedingly difficult to find vegan food at an NFL game. I settled on a veggie platter.
After the game, I headed up to my mom’s house, and we went together to pick up my sister from the airport. Having thusly logged my family hours for the day, I headed out to meet up with my gorgeous and talented friend Tiffy and her brilliant and charming boyfriend Miles. Also there: our old friend Spence and his articulate and enchanting girlfriend, whose name eludes me now, but she had this fantastic British accent (she’s from London!) and we talked about celebrities all night long and I just adored her. Later we were graced by the presence of the stunning Kate, who I’ve also known forever and ever, and old friends Tim and Mark. Tim, because of his close friendship with Kate, was a fixture in my life when I lived in NYC, so it was good to see him again, even though I’m fairly certain he dislikes me for reasons I still can’t figure out. I do much better with people disliking me for reasons that are clear. When it’s like, “Dude, it’s so obvious you don’t like me, but I can’t for the life of me puzzle out why,” it just kinda sucks and makes me paranoid. And Mark is like 23 and I knew him when he was six years old and probably haven’t seen him even once in the interim, so that was crazy.
Spence and his girlfriend live in Dubai now and work in banking, and they jet-set all over the world closing huge deals. Kate works in long-term strategy for a major network in Manhattan. Tim, if I understand it correctly, does high-end management consulting, also in Manhattan. Miles used to consult for Goldman in Manhattan and is now finishing up his MBA at Northwestern. You couldn’t pay me enough to work in that world — despite the fact that I was at one point qualified for it — but I was shocked at how far out of touch I’d become with all of it. How far out of touch I am, really, with any aspect of the world unrelated to Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and their comrades. My life is so focused on celebrity “news” that I pretty much completely fail to internalize any other type of news. I’m afraid my job is actually making me dumber.
Oh and then we were leaving the restaurant and this totally random guy in the parking lot looked at me and was like “WOO HOO! GO CARDS!” and I was like “Yee-haw?” and he was like “But why are you wearing a Leinart jersey?”
Additional observations: Leo is back to peeing on people. He hadn’t been peeing on people for a really long time, and now all of a sudden the peeing is back. When he’s excited and you’re playing with him, he just pees. I have decided this is indisputable evidence that Scottsdale causes all lifeforms to emotionally de-evolve.
Lastly, Tofutti makes a product called Better than Cream Cheese, which is a vegan cream cheese, and it is, in actuality, every bit as good as cream cheese, if not better. I’m so happy to have found it.
