If a friend was at 100% with you, a point where you’d make plans a week ahead with him or her, dress well, and show up on time or before, and spot them money or buy them a drink, yet they flake on you once, that brings them down to 75%. At this point, your reciprocation level goes down because they lack reciprocation of the same level of respect you give them. Levels of respect are very important in interpersonal relationships- a friend flaking on you shows their disregard for your time or effort, and can tell you alot about them. These people view you as someone they can fool, and by flaking, they are breaching trust. So, you must find that level of respect they give you, and reciprocate that, perhaps a tad bit higher, because in my book, everyone gets one stupid mistake. After three flakes, I usually demote the “friend” to a hi-and-bye acquaintance and never call them, or invite them to anything. At this point, the ball’s in their court and if they decide to show me they are reliable and worthy of my friendship, I may reconsider my standing with them. I suggest you take this paradigm for yourself, after all, it hurts being stepped on.

In the end, you can only improve yourself. If you are a flaker, you should practice saying NO when in doubt. There are usually two types of flakers- the apologetics, and the self-absorbed. The latter say yes and or fail to RSVP (or sometimes even fail to call or pick up to confirm and hope that the storm passes), because they are too afraid to say NO and hurt your feelings. These people often have a hard time expressing their own emotions and may be anxious or lacking in confidence. At the other end of the spectrum, the self-absorbed, are the ones that are so wrapped up in their own lives and think so highly of themselves that, they will say yes, because they are saying yes to the FUN TIME and GOOD FOOD they will be having, and not saying yes to SPENDING TIME WITH YOU. With this pattern of action, they may, at the drop of a hat, cancel on you, if something of higher material value comes up. These people look to relationships to satisfy their own egos, their own dearth of self-confidence, and they revel in the control they have over you. In my modus operandi, if I smell someone is of the self-absorbed type, I usually cut off contact with them. Relationships are mutual, not parasitic. Check out my blog and add me to your fans!

I recently ended a friendship with a major flaker. Basically he was a fun friend, but he was never really there when you needed him. He would flake out 8 out of 10 times we made plans, even plans he originated. It pissed me off royaly, but I thought I could get past it, and just accept him for who he was. Last month he made plans to meet with my father for a business deal, and he flaked. He did not call to cancel, nor did he call later to explain.

I was/still am livid. Because if you want to be a piece of shit with me fine, but my family is sacred. I called him, looking for an explanation, I mean accidents happen. He was such a douche about it, I lost it and basically told him to go f*ck himself.

There comes a time where you realize life is too short to share it with people that do not value you or your time. Friendship is a gift, but it is not for free, it has a value. Only give your friendship to those who value it and really deserve it.

Baggers suck!