Here’s what dawned on me tonight: When I have a civil discussion with a rational person about a topic and we disagree, all I need to do is make my point reasonably and concisely. I do not have to get angry. I do not have to send follow-up emails and text messages with additional evidence supporting my claim. I do not have to make a huge multi-week production over just how right I am. When I’m right, and I make my point politely and then step back, the other person usually realizes eventually that I’m right, and they come to me to tell me I was right, and then it’s over, and no friendships need end nor sleep be lost. When I’m wrong — very rarely — I also need to be enough of an adult to admit it. When I surround myself with reasonable people who behave like adults — this is most of the people in my life, it turns out — and then I behave like a reasonable adult, this process runs unbelievably smoothly.
It’s a theory I could have explained casually to a five-year-old years ago, but somehow I have trouble internalizing it myself. I’m getting way better, though.
